I returned from my leave yesterday, well rested but a bit of a wounded soul. My weekend away did not go as planned, which goes to show that as humans we can only plan our lives so far and God really just does his will. I will not go into much detail but as I write I am nursing a semi-broken heart because my long awaited leave turned into a separation of two hearts and the end of a friendship. It was not planned but everything happens for a reason, like how do you plan not to be happy? How does one choose sadness over happiness?How do you
choose loneliness over companionship? But sometimes where there are irreconcilable differences this happens and it happened to me a few days ago.
I realised that in my work everyday I tell my clients to hold on,be strong, fight for their relationships,rebuild those broken bridges. But when tragedy strikes in my own life I cannot take my own advice.
I cannot sit Getty(myself) down and reflect feelings of despair or sadness,feelings of loss or wasted time. Granted I can give myself a pep talk in front of the mirror everyday and really one has to. But I cannot heal my own hurt. The theories and principles governing my everyday work involve helping others to help themselves. But when I am weak emotionally I cannot use the same concepts for myself. This leaves me at a loss because you spend so much time dealing with other people’s
emotions but when it comes to your own you feel numb.
So writing is my escape,my silent counselor. I get to explore my emotions as I write and it does provide some relief. At work the same smile I wore before I went on leave is the same one they saw today, always the professional. So yes I have mastered the meaning of being there for others even as your own heart is breaking, the client needs not know that you also have problems today. They are personal. I’m sure it is true for all professionals across the board, even outside social work. We all have problems but the clients’ problem comes first.
I may be down but I’m not out. I still do what I do with my all, for the love of social work. My personal life needs a bit of work right now which I’m willing to put in. In all this God never does things by coincidence, there is a reason and a season for all things. So all is well.
Till next time…