Month: April 2013

When a mother cannot protect her own…

Ties that bind

I had a case yesterday that inspired this article. This case left me wondering what is left in the world
for children when their own mothers fail them. When your own mother who is meant to be your nurturer and protector betrays your trust….

I have questions in my mind after the interview that I had with a mother and her child. The child aged 14 was sexually abused by the mother’s partner three years ago. The case was open against child’s stepfather and was withdrawn, man never went to prison, and justice was not seen for this child whose innocence was stolen at 11 years of age. Why? The answer is really why I am baffled and trying to find answers.

The child’s mother is the reason why the man is not in jail. She has influenced the child to say it did not happen the way it did, influenced the child to lie and say he did not do it. All this to protect a man who is guilty but cannot be exposed because he is the financial pillar of the family.  The mother makes excuses like “he does not want to leave, I cannot force him”. As a mother how do you put your man/lover first above your child? As a mother if you cannot protect your own child from such evils who then can this child trust??  When your own mother manipulates you to say what is not true….When your own mother does not think of your care and protection and would rather turn a blind eye…act like nothing happened…

A child at that age is torn between doing what is right and pleasing her family. No one is considering the emotional turmoil that not only came from the assault on her innocence but also from the family pressure. This teenager then starts to act out and be rebellious and still the mother fails to realize the cause of this.  This teenager would rather find her sense of belonging with peers who in most cases are negative than be forced to face the harsh reality. Then drugs come into play to numb the pain…

It is a sad reality to find that maybe the mother has been a victim of child sexual abuse herself. It becomes a sickening cycle because her own mother did not protect her so she does not know how to protect her own. The anger that is kept inside builds up for years and this current child will grow up with the same bitterness her mother did. How will she be there for her own children? Not because she does not want but because she does not know how to…

So who is to blame? Society? Men who take advantage of children? Mothers who fail to protect their children? As a social worker all that is left to do is to ensure that child protection services are rendered. But how do you change ingrained beliefs and upbringing passed from generation to generation?

I am still wondering…

Not everyone knows your worth…


It is so easy to get discouraged in our daily endeavors and our attempts at life.  Not everyone sees your
worth and you might end up feeling ‘if they do not see it then what is the point?’  I have asked myself this a lot of times and I have
found that it is not only normal but also necessary to ask this question sometimes. Let me explain…

Whenever you feel discouraged your whole PURPOSE becomes blurred. You no longer have a clear picture of
why you exist and what your role in this life is. It is true that sometimes we equate not being recognized to not having any purpose.
The question “then what is the point” becomes necessary in order to steer you back to the question of your PURPOSE. I find that
feeling discouraged and feeling unrecognized helps me to redefine who I am doing this for in the first place. Why is their recognition
important to me? Does it change my PURPOSE if someone feels I am not good enough or I am not the right person for the job? The truth is
NO!!!! What someone else thinks of you does not change your PURPOSE; your destiny and purpose remains the same whether people acknowledge your efforts or not. It is this realization that makes all the difference.

There will always be people who think you are not good enough, not old enough, not beautiful enough, not fit enough….That is ok because that is their opinion of you and that does not have to be your reality. Yes it is not a good feeling and can make us feel sad and unaccomplished. But what matters is what you think of yourself. Self- confidence and self affirmation makes a world of difference in how one progresses in life. You cannot go around believing everything that people say about you. Some people are there to just bring others down because they themselves do not feel worthy. What will kill you is self-judgment and self abuse.

So today I am making a decision to be my own person. Constructive criticism I can take but those who constantly try to belittle the purpose in my life will not get any attention from me because I simply refuse to believe that I am anything less than fabulous and blessed. This applies to all areas in my life: work, relationships and society at large. If I live for my PURPOSE I therefore do not need praise from the world.  The more I believe in my self and live it the more I make others believe it too!!!  This is the message that I try to give to all the children who are my clients as well.

And not forgetting that the Lord sees all things and will reward each one according to what he sees with his heavenly eyes.

when you
are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you wont be a
victim of needless suffering”