Month: September 2013

Reflections from my past week….

The week that just passed has been a rough week for this social worker. I had to think long and hard about where I am at emotionally and as I reflected upon the whole week I felt so much better. These were my reflections about last week:

  • I don’t always have the right answers, I don’t know everything. This was a bit tough to admit but it is so true. If I keep an attitude of knowing everything then I become un-teachable(if such a word exists) and do not leave room for growth in my life. I can be too hard on myself at times; I cannot bear the thought of being wrong. I had an incident where my knowledge of the Children’s Act was put to the test and I lost my confidence. My interpretation of some parts of the procedures applied to find children in need of care was totally ignored by someone who thought their own interpretation was the right one. Now I questioned all that I thought I knew about the Act and for that moment I could not fathom the thought of being wrong. I had to double check and triple check from the Act as well as contact the Children’s Court to verify. My interpretation turned out to be right after all, but I started wondering why the possibility of me being wrong had affected me so much. Am I that much of a perfectionist?  I am not the one who wrote the Children’s Act and I do not have to know it word for word, but somehow I felt I had to. I am that concerned about giving the best possible intervention to the children I work with. But then I realized it is part of humanity to not know everything and that is how we keep on learning from new information. I am no superwoman and will not make apologies for it.
  • There will be bad days and good days. The bad days come to an end just as the good days do. You can only appreciate the good days if you know how bad the bad days can be. There will be trials and people who will test me. In this week it became very important for me to remember that saying that goes “this too shall pass”. The fact that I am still here after the hectic week I have had is proof of that. It is all about the attitude and how I choose to react to those who are out to try my patience. The moment I choose to allow someone to spoil my day then I lose control of my life. Knowing that I am the one in control of how my day goes surely got me through the week. Trials surely helps to develop one’s character.
  • Time management!!! I reflected upon how I need to distribute my time to those things that bring value to my life. I found myself so drained each day this week and could not make time to study for my Masters Entrance exam coming up. I mean it is a lot. Now I am thinking I need to give more time to things that bring joy and happiness to my life. I need to manage my time so that I spend time with God, my family and friends. These are the people that put a smile on my face. I cannot be so caught up in work that I cannot spare a moment to chat with my mother ; that would be me failing. This blog as well gives me a chance to be me and talk about things I am passionate about; it is my joy and hobby. Having emotional and spiritual wealth has become important to me than chasing money.

    There is a time for everything under the sun. Opportunities come and you win some you lose some. The trick is to wake up everyday by God’s grace and make each day count. People’s opinions of you are just that…their opinions,not yours.

    Sunset Reflections

I hope my journey this week will inspire someone to also reflect upon their lives. It is important not to ignore ourselves and feelings we get as we go along our daily lives.

The Power of Words

This past weekend I experienced the power of words that reminded me of this post that I wrote last year. I will be frank and say that I was on the giving end of words that I regretted the moment they came out of my mouth. Sometimes when we are angry we say things. I gave it some thought and realised I reacted from a place of pain. When we are hurt we might feel the need to cause just as much hurt to someone else. However if you hurt someone because they hurt you what makes you different from them? Tit for tat sounds good in principle but it hurts you more than it does the recipient.

Bitterness and negativity never bring anything positive. I remembered this article that I wrote in my own words last year talking about the power of words. I really should learn to take my own advice….As i remind myself I hope you can also remember this for your own lives…

 WORDS CAN DESTROY            WORDS CAN HARM                    ?                     WORDS CAN HEAL                           WORDS CAN COMFORT

I had a client today who showed me how deep words can go to destroy human relationships. The tongue has the power to destroy and people really take this for granted. Hurtful words are seldom forgotten. Sometimes the behavior and acting out we see in children is really the manifestation of a lot of pain and rejection caused by the words spoken in a moment of anger.

Parents often do not see how much their words to their children affect the teens or adults their children become. If one grows up receiving positive affirmation and words of love it shows in the confidence they show as a young adult and later as an adult. On the other hand a child who is always told “you are not good enough”, “you are useless”, “I should have aborted you” will internalize all this negativity and will not amount to anything more than that which he or she was led to believe.

Many times then parents do not understand why their child behaves a certain way or rejects everyone who tries to help them. If the primary caregiver who is the mother or father has nothing positive to say to their child or about their child, no matter what anyone else may try to say this child will have that sense of something missing in their lives. Until that one person stops rejecting them or says something positive then it will mean something to them.  They will go around searching for affirmation from everyone, in relationships at work and with peers. Often not in a healthy way.

So words have the power to heal or destroy. Especially in young children if we can try to speak to them in a non-rejecting, non-judgemental way they can grow up to see their worth. This is not to say children should not be reprimanded or that a parent or caregiver should not be angry. But the tone of voice and the choice of words should always be considerate. I have seen grown men react negatively to the use of some words only because they recall them being used by people they once thought cared about them. I found out the hard way when I said to a previous boyfriend “you are not worth it”. Little did I know this will trigger a violent reaction and self destruction. Little did I know his father used to say the same words to him over and over again when he was young. So hearing these words repeated was the last straw.

I now endeavor to be kind always and make careful selection of my words. You never know someone’s journey and hurts kept deep inside. And to parents you don’t want your children despising you because they feel rejected by you through the words you say.