LETTER TO MY ABSENT FATHER…

They all speak about forgiveness…How it is the right thing to do and that it frees you from bitterness. That’s all good but they do not say how you can go from a place of not speaking and not caring to a place of forgiveness. How do you move from ignoring me all your life and then come back when it suits you and I should just forgive you and move on? Yes they say forgive but do not forget…but me remembering what you did or did not do to me does not leave room for anything good in my heart. It probably is a journey, one I am not ready to go down with you…

You never loved me or even pretended to. How am I supposed to forget all that and start loving you? Is it something I should have been born with? Because I have not felt that bone in my body. You were there in name alone but never played your role in my life. How do you expect me to feel anything for you? I could be fair in saying you were just a sperm donor for the one who gave birth to me. Because how can you truly say you were a father to me? There is so much more meaning to the word ‘father’ and just making someone pregnant is not enough. You refused to take responsibility of me, why should I care what happens to you?

It is easy for you to expect forgiveness because the axe that cut the tree down never felt the pain. You are one of those people who expect to reap apples yet they did not sow any apple seeds. Reality is you reap what you sow and it is no different with me. You might think you need me in your life right now because you want something from me. The you that I know will disappear again as soon as you get what you want. How do you expect me to trust you out of the blue?

Hate is a strong word so I will not use it to describe how I feel about you. I am indifferent but I get upset when you try to manipulate your way into my life. You do not belong in it; you made sure of that yourself. You have no idea what it takes to build a relationship and besides it is too late. You can choose to live in the past and call me your daughter but I have had no father since the day you packed your bags and left. Respect the fact that you never raised me. You are a source of unnecessary pain in my life as I recall what you put me and my mother through, I wish I never knew you.

This is an example of pain caused by rejection. A big hole in a child or adult’s heart when the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally turn out to be disappointments. Feelings of worthlessness are common. No one can fill that void. Adults who have issues with one or other of their parents may have difficulties in their adult relationships. They may look for the absent father in a boyfriend and end up being too attached or clingy or on the flipside they do not trust a single soul. A lot of pent-up anger results in short-temperedness and it really is a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt or rejected again. Children simply act out and may turn to drugs/alcohol or risky lifestyles to provide a balm to the emotions they do not want to deal with. When fathers or parents in general fail to play their role they do not know the far reaching effects in their children’s lives. This is very irresponsible and is the cause of so many depression and substance abuse cases.

*This is a true reflection in real time…

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