Diary of an OverThinker is my outlet for when I have too much on my mind that I cant even sleep. I make good use of my time by trying to explore the thoughts that go through my head…the ones I can talk about without fear of incarceration or being institutionalised that is…censorship is wise at times!!!
Insomnia is a real thing, I know that for sure now. Its 3.28 am and yes I am up again. So the diary is out …Did you know that insomnia is actually a sleep disorder that people see a psychiatrist for? It is either sleeplessness or when a person cannot sleep as long as is desired. You can get medication prescribed in the form of sleeping pills…Well let’s hope it hasn’t come to that for me.
What is on my mind this am? Naming things…
Almost everything that exists in the world has a name. A label, something that defines it. I have no idea why this is on my mind right now, I just know that it is and now that I have thought about it, I want to explore it. What does something without a name look like? When a baby is born, giving a name is a rite of passage. It’s the first step to giving them an identity.
My guess is if you were a person and you had no name, it would be very difficult for people to get to know you. Your name is the first thing most people get to know in first encounters actually. So a nameless thing is actually a strange thing and it would confuse people trying to figure out what to call it.
I hate spending hours trying to define something. I like labels, I like naming things so I know what I am dealing with. Well in life I realise though that this is not always as simple as it sounds. Take the dating scene for example, things that go undefined usually get confusing down the line. But I wonder, what difference does it make to name something? If something is working well and is not broken, what difference would labelling it make?
Well since I have time I could name a few things that could make a difference:
-Naming something means ownership. When you give it a name you give it life, you claim it, it is yours…
-Once you claim something that means you feel secure in the knowledge that it is yours, so security is the other reason why things are or need to be defined/named for what they are…
-Security removes doubt…
-Once you claim something and you feel secure with it then the next thing is accountability. You are accountable for all your actions towards that thing/person/object…whatever it may be. Without ownership there can be no accountability. It means you have nothing to lose…
-Lastly once something is named particularly in a relationship, it takes away the pain that comes with knowing you are not good enough to make someone proud enough to call you their own…
I could be wrong about all these…it might be different cases for different people. I am just an over-caffeinated woman who can’t sleep!!! I know I should stop drinking coffee after 3pm, heard about that somewhere.
Don’t overthink it though…it is just a diary.
I have decided to start a new series of writings…and I am going to name them “Diary of an OVERTHINKER”. Because if I can be completely honest with myself this is the reason why I am up at 2 am in the morning. So instead of tossing and turning all night, every night; I have decided to make good use of my time and make noise on my blog.
Well if you are reading, good luck because you have just gotten a front row seat to the show that my mind will conjure up on this page. And more pages to come because the “Diary of an OVER-THINKER” will be edited every night I cannot sleep.I have to try and figure out what will be occupying my mind during these ungodly hours.
I have tried all sorts of things; watch movies, series,chat for hours…but what happened to normal sleep? I was faced with that question earlier this week and I tried to answer it at the time and failed. I think I have finally figured it out and it is really not rocket science. So I concluded that I THINK TOO MUCH!!!! That is why I can’t sleep.
I have known this about myself for a while but it has never cost me my sleep. Now that it has started to, well I have to find out why I think too much. An over-thinker is according to me; someone who goes over something more than once after it has occurred, cuts it in half, then halves the halves and carries on until the thing is no longer unrecognizable. The Urban dictionary (I actually checked) adds that it is someone who thinks deeply about something…not sure about deep but there is a lot of thinking involved. In short I make a mountain out of a mole hill, all the time!!! I am sure one or two people who know me personally can testify loudly to this one. Anyway I am wondering if overthinking something will actually make that thing any more important or does it just magnify a thing for no reason? What causes overthinking? is it anxiety? fear of something?Is it obsessive behavior that makes someone cling to something for hours without letting it go? Are there any advantages to over-thinking? There is an actual page on Google that explains how to stop over-thinking which just makes it sound like a disorder and the fact that I know this is slowly starting to make me wonder.
“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”
― Anthony Hopkins
From personal experience I think its WORRY and it is unhealthy. But I also know I overthink even when I am happy…so I just have an overactive mind then. When you have a million thoughts in your head with the way our brains work its normal right? I am no scientist but I think if the thoughts are not contained they can overwhelm the thinker.
Too many questions…very few answers. This is just a diary…don’t overthink it!!!
“This is probably the advantage of being stupid. Stupid people just do. We tend to overthink. If we could eliminate the “over” and just think, then we could do, too. Only we’d be smarter doers because we’d be thinkers.”
― Sarah Strohmeyer, Smart Girls Get What They Want
As a blogger I love to read other people’s blogs and get to know what inspires them to write. As i was doing that today I found out that the most common inspiration for people who love to write or blog is that they go into an area that they are passionate about. People write about what they find interesting about their lives whether its fashion, politics, food, photography…the list is endless.
What a person is willing to put out there on the internet is basically their BRAND!!!In essence it defines who they are as a person. Besides what we write about or what status we post on twitter or pictures we choose to post on instagram, it is also about what we talk about in social circles. What are your conversations about? Are you in that circle of friends that’s always discussing other people or are you discussing how to bring about much needed change in society or are you building each other as young adults or whatever it may be. This all defines us as human beings.
So i got to thinking about what exactly is my BRAND? What am I showing the world about who I am? What do I spend most of my time thinking about? Is it meaningful? Cause I surely would not want to be spending hours on pointless pursuits. I am reminded of the famous James Allen quote “as a man thinketh…so is he”. I realized I want the world to know me as I see myself..which is; if you will forgive me and give me a moment to toot my own horn…just a second; I am a brilliant thinker, a caring daughter and sister, a loving friend and listener, i love to give relationship advice that I do not take myself and I love to challenge the norms of society. I hate conformity even though I know society would be chaotic without authority and social order, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I hate how women are still devalued in society by seemingly simple notions such as every girl should know how to cook. Who is talking about the boys? I have recently also discovered that I dislike the way Africa is portrayed by those in Europe since I came here. Their ignorance is appalling and this started with questions like “why did you choose to come to this rainy place leaving sunny Africa” as if that is all Africa has to offer or as if my being here has to have some sort of justification otherwise it doesn’t make sense. i will not go into the racial connotations of that statement…
So this is who I am in a nutshell and this is how I portray myself to the world in my conversations, my writing, my interactions and actions. So if you are reading this and wondering what I am on about, its simply a challenge to define ourselves!!Do you know how you are and what you represent? I must add also that who you view yourself as is probably not how people will view you. If you care more about other people’s view of yourself than yours then that is another issue. I frankly don’t but for the sake of that orderly society I mentioned I will add that I do appreciate honest and constructive criticism.
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There comes a time in everyone’s life that they seek peace of mind. Peace…serenity…quietness…silence.
When the world becomes too loud…when my thoughts threaten my sanity…when it becomes too much.
It is hard to explain, but I think when this moment comes no one can understand your need better than you.
No one gets the need for silence unless they get into your mind and hear the noise that threatens your sanity.
I have learnt to switch off…but I have realized this hurts those I care about if it is done without warning.
So today this is my explanation…I sometimes need my peace, my quiet, my space.
I am sorry if this makes me seem distant or withdrawn…but I need it to remain sane.
This week’s blog will sound really different from the last one. It has now been five weeks since I came to Cork and I am happy to say the adjustment is getting smoother. I am getting closer to calling this place my second home. In fact I found myself saying to my sister the other day “I am in town I will call you when I get home”…In the first week it was just an apartment or where I live. I was not thinking of it as home but I am glad that is changing.
I attended an event last weekend in Dublin (about 250 km from Cork city). This was an event organised by my sponsor Irish Aid in order for all the Irish Aid recipients to meet and get to know each other. So I got to meet all the other intelligent young adults scattered across the country who are also postgraduate students from different countries. All in all we are four Zimbabweans in Ireland on this programme and that alone makes me proud to be one of them. I was also comforted by the fact that we are all going through the same experiences in the different towns and cities we are coming from.
So this was a good networking opportunity but for me this was not all it was. This was also of utmost importance, a reminder of why I am here in the first place. I was reminded of why I am going through all this to begin with: the adjustment, the homesickness, the experience of being a minority and the sleepless nights. All of this is because I am here to do something and it will all be worth it in the end. One of the most inspiring speakers was a lady from Uganda by the name of Beatrice Mugambe. She was a 2013 fellow and just finished her year Masters. She was proud of her thesis which for me symbolised the end result which we are all here to attain. She is now a qualified sociologist, critical analyst and social activist and she was proud of all these achievements. This is why we are here and that light at the end of the tunnel, that outcome is the reason why it is all worth it. So my focus is clear and even though some speakers also emphasised the importance of having fun and embracing the experience, I was most moved by the tangible end result of my time here. So in one year I will be Getrude, the social policy analyst critical thinker.
The pictures from last weekend tell a story of their own… more pictures on instagram @jusgee_gee.
Until next time…Stay blessed and remember your purpose!!