I feel like I need to set the record straight. This comes after receiving some snide comments about my cooking (rather non-cooking) in this week. They were said in jest and it was just banter, but it had me thinking. I know I CAN COOK, I just prefer not to sometimes. I am one of those women who refuse to define themselves according to whether they can cook or not. I have no desire to spend time in the kitchen, I am not a foodie and there is really nothing I enjoy about cooking. So, why is it such a big deal?
Culturally, women’s place has traditionally been relegated to the kitchen. Throughout history, we see women being involved with food: gathering food; growing food; processing food; cooking food; presenting food and feeding their families. With the advent of feminism and urbanisation, women have left this gender prescribed role to pursue other ambitions and most, still continue to do it simultaneously with their new roles. They are superwomen really!! I applaud you QUEENS.
As a single woman, I find it so tiring to constantly be judged based on what I will be able to do for a future, non-existent husband. Right now, I live alone and I cook meals for myself when I feel like it. You will never catch me bragging about being a good cook, volunteering to bring cooked food and I don’t host lunches and dinners at my place. The simple reason is that I have other interests and cooking is not one of them.
Will I be able to cook for my husband and provide for my children? Of course, I am sure I will step up to it when the time comes. But, why is cooking tied to my worth as a woman and why for a man? Are we asking our men the same questions? If not, why not? Do I need to prove my cooking prowess as some sort of rite of passage to womanhood? I say HELL NO!! Even when I am dating, I cook once in a blue moon and only for that special man. I especially will not be doing that if it comes as a demand or expectation. I had this discussion with my close friends recently and one of them asked me “how will you know you can cook for your future husband and children if you are not practicing it now?” Fair question, we do get better at most things with practice. But, I just don’t have the passion for cooking, to be honest, and I am not about to do something just because I might need to use it to please some guy in the near future.
When I am at home, I am not forced to be the one in the kitchen just because I am a female. My brother is a whiz in the kitchen and when he is around, he prefers to cook most times. I grew up in that kind of house where whoever feels like cooking will do it. My mother trained us all to know the basics, but it was never drilled into me that I must define myself based on my cooking. So, when people judge and pass snide comments, they ignore the fact that people are raised differently. Even when I do get married, chances are I will marry into a completely different family that may have those expectations. I will cross that bridge when I get to it though. Am I losing sleep worrying about it? NO!
This might be controversial, but this is my truth. Some people may feel it is unAfrican for a woman not to take pride in cooking. I beg to differ. I am African and I do cook, I just won’t do it!!
Now that’s more like it. Feels like I am shaking this patriarchy table. Let me know your thoughts on the subject.
See this previous post Why I am a feminist… for more.