Month: October 2018

An unexpected adventure

My department asked me to accompany one of our university guests from the Czech Republic on a tour of Hong Kong.  First thing I thought was OMG!! you have the wrong person for the job. I had a string of reasons why I was not the right person to be a tour guide for anyone because a) I was extremely overwhelmed with the burdens of my data analysis and dissertation writing, I honestly did not have the time b) I do not know Hong Kong enough to be anyone’s tour guide c) I hate touristy things d) I hate waking up in the am for anything and this particular task needed me to be up at 8 am.

The list could go on, but in the end, I gave in. I decided to just go and see what happens. I remember craving coffee when I woke up and this frustrated me because I decided to quit drinking coffee a few months ago and I was managing just fine, until the past few weeks (blame the stress and sleepless nights). I had a feeling the day was going to be terrible, but I resigned myself to it and muttered a silent prayer that at the very least, I manage to get through the day.

I am still surprised to say that the day was actually really amazing. I had an amazing time with Dr. Zdenka from Czech Republic who I was accompanying. She was the most pleasurable company, the conversation was great and we didn’t have to fill in any silent moments with empty words.  It was just comfortable, easy going and it became a cultural exchange between a Czech and Zimbabwean woman. You do not get opportunities like that every day. I was intrigued to realise that we have more in common than people may think in terms of the economic struggles in our two countries. But one would need a lengthy history lesson to fully understand before passing judgment.

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Now on to the adventure. We scaled up Hong Kong’s tallest building, the International Commerce Centre (ICC) which is named due to the 100 floors, the observation desk being on the 100th floor.  It is one of the tallest commercial buildings in the world.

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We got to see a 360-degree view of Hong Kong at 393 metres above sea level.

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To go up the Sky 100 costs 128 HKD which is about 15 USD. The views are worth it. Below is the commercial image of the building from the outside. I could not do it justice with my own phone, so I borrowed this just to show you how it looks.

 

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Image from arup.com

 

Then we booked a private tour on an old fishing boat around Hong Kong harbor. The weather was not very friendly on the day, but it didn’t stop us from having a great time. We had a lovely guide on the boat who regaled us with tales about Hong Kong fishermen from ages ago as we drank some wine and listened to some really cool music (a bit of reggae and soul mix).

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The current owner of the fishing boat is a British gentleman and he has tried to maintain the old look and feel of the Dukling boat. It is the only original Chinese junk remaining in Hong Kong. The cost for a 45-minute tour is 230 HKD which is about 29 USD. This price includes a complimentary drink.

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Afterward, we settled to a nice leisurely lunch and called it a day. I truly had an unexpected adventure. If you are ever in Hong Kong, this would be a good way to pass the time especially when the weather is not good for outdoor activities.

Life lesson: Do not write off things before you try them. Life has a way of surprising us with its twists and turns. Who would have known that I would get to experience culture, beautiful views and history all in one day? We limit ourselves with our comfort zones and thoughts of remaining just as we are with no disturbance. I am glad I went against my initial instinct that they find someone else to be the tour guide because I felt I was inadequate for the task. I have been in Hong Kong for 3 years now and I learned that there are things I have not yet experienced and places I had yet had the pleasure to visit. The experience opened up a new door for me to see life in another way.  I am just sad it took an unexpected adventure to remind me that I might be leaving Hong Kong soon and I have not enjoyed it fully.

The case of the ex…

In May this year, I came across a tweet that answered a question I have always had about ex-boyfriends. I always used to wonder why they always come back into your life after some time, some after very long periods, some not so long. The answer was so simple but profound:

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Image from Twitter

I have had the misfortune of having exes that stay in my life for a very long time, some I even call friends. They are not many, but I always try to be civil with people I used to care about unless they really did something to make me not want to ever see or speak to them again. It got so bad that my mother even noticed that I continued to mention names of people that should have been long gone from my life and she never understands why I entertain them. She would always say haudi kusiyana nemaex wakaitwa sei?” loosely translated to “you don’t want to let go of your exes, what is wrong with you?”

I don’t usually keep around any man that I know is still trying to convince me to take him back. The very few who are still my friends are there because there were no hard feelings between us, the break-up was mutual and it was never that deep. Sometimes people realise that they are better off as friends and they don’t have to hate each other. But, it is important to keep the conversations away from anything flirtatious or indecent in any way because that would be seen as crossing the line. I always have rules of engagement when it comes to such matters.

Then there is that one ex who just keeps finding you after months or years without talking. It’s like when they ghost they are in a relationship and all is well in their world, then when they are single again, they start thinking “wonder where she is or what she is up to now”? Even if they are blocked on your phone, they can send a random email or message on another random app, LOL. Stalker alert!!!

This type of “ex” is the one I am worried about. He just tries to sneak back into your life especially around the time when you have just found some balance, you are busy loving yourself and enjoying your glow-up. Then BAM, hey stranger (insert silly emoji)…Argh!!! Why do they always come back? What do they want? You start to ask yourself so many questions and start to relive the whole mess of a relationship you once had. Until you remember why you broke up in the first place and get angry all over again. This particular ex is not the good kind, this is the one you know was never, is not and will never be good for you. But, when you see that message you feel like typing “hey stranger” back.

Yes, they are back to see if you are still stupid 🤣🤣🤣

You know what will happen the moment you reply to that person. It is better to leave them on read. Thank me later.

About intimacy…

I met a guy once. His spirit clashed with mine. We did not complement each other in any way, instead, he tried to change parts of me that made him uncomfortable. In short, we were not compatible.  The result? Constant fights, arguments, and a weak connection. He didn’t last.

Then there was someone else. He was physically appealing, but could never stimulate my mind beyond the physical. Problem with that was when you removed the lust and physical activity, there was no depth and no substance. Nothing left to talk about, nothing left to hold on to. He also had to go.

Intimacy is such an important but mostly misunderstood concept in today’s dating culture. In order for there to be a lasting connection, there needs to be intimacy. It is about closeness, having a shared understanding and an affinity for one another. A lot of us rush into physical closeness and leave it there. The affection and companionship are missing. Commitment-phobes prefer not to have this kind of intimacy because it leads to a stronger bond which may be hard to let go of. I used to be one so I write from experience.

In the two examples I gave above, both relationships could have worked if there had been real intimacy. In the first one, there was no shared understanding which led to a weak connection. In the second, there was only a superficial connection based on physical attraction, but it could not go any deeper than that because there was no further stimulation of the mind.  As a sapiosexual, the ability of a man to stimulate my mind is non-negotiable.

 

 

Emphasis on the stimulating and intellectual!!!

I tire of mediocre bonds that can break at the slightest threat. I long for real intimacy. Once your mind is vibrating on this level, going back to anything less is no longer an option. I sound complicated but the truth is I get bored very easily. If it’s not there, it’s not there. It cannot be forced.

This was written at 4 am in the morning. Pondering intimacy in the wee hours of the morning.

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Image from insomnia.net

Lessons from the #BlogtemberChallenge

Well, the September blog everyday challenge is over. I am sad to say that I was unable to complete it on time, I was only able to write 21/30 posts. That is 70 % and I guess that is still a pass, LOL. I know my grades.

I do want to acknowledge that it was a tough challenge which came with a lot of lessons. I learned a lot about myself and my writing. Here are some of them:

  • Blogging every day is not easy. Even with a theme which served as a prompt for the posts, creating content that is relatable each and every day is a challenge that bloggers face. I applaud those who do it on a daily basis and those who blog for a living. You guys are the real MVPs. And to my friend Uchechi who became reacquainted with her voice in this challenge and wrote 30 posts in 30 days, girl..

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  • Africa is a beautiful continent, rich with creativity and passion. I saw this from all the writers that contributed to this years’ Blogtember challenge. I learned a lot from Beaton, Tee MadzikaBex and of course Uchechi. I was glued to your posts throughout the month of September. Some were really touching, others funny, some filled with mystery and very insightful. What a pleasure it was to write among you guys. These four bloggers wrote a lot, LOL. I don’t know how you guys did it.
  • I am Africa and Africa is me. I have never felt so homesick and connected to my African roots than I did this past month. Writing stories from home and thinking about what drives me, what I miss, what makes me who I am…all of that made me feel connected to my roots. I am a proud African and no matter how far I travel, I carry a piece of my homeland in my very soul.
  • Stepping out of my head a little bit really helps. This challenge forced me to stretch myself a little bit, step out of my comfort zone and write about some sensitive stuff. I would never have found the courage to do so before this. But the timing just felt right and again, it was thanks to mainly the four bloggers mentioned above. Without knowing it, your comments and encouragement on my posts, coupled with your own very open and thoughtful posts, fueled mine. I really benefitted from a new community of readers. Thanks to everyone who read and commented on my posts. It humbled me in a big way.

Now to maintain the momentum…

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But honestly, thank you, guys!! To the Afrobloggers team, your work is very important. Keep pushing, we really need leaders like you bringing such initiatives to build up bloggers’ communities and motivate writers to find their voice. I am here for this greatness. @Beaton thank you so so much.

Keep writing friends. More To Getty is still here and October will definitely see more of me.

GG