I met a guy once. His spirit clashed with mine. We did not complement each other in any way, instead, he tried to change parts of me that made him uncomfortable. In short, we were not compatible. The result? Constant fights, arguments, and a weak connection. He didn’t last.
Then there was someone else. He was physically appealing, but could never stimulate my mind beyond the physical. Problem with that was when you removed the lust and physical activity, there was no depth and no substance. Nothing left to talk about, nothing left to hold on to. He also had to go.
Intimacy is such an important but mostly misunderstood concept in today’s dating culture. In order for there to be a lasting connection, there needs to be intimacy. It is about closeness, having a shared understanding and an affinity for one another. A lot of us rush into physical closeness and leave it there. The affection and companionship are missing. Commitment-phobes prefer not to have this kind of intimacy because it leads to a stronger bond which may be hard to let go of. I used to be one so I write from experience.
In the two examples I gave above, both relationships could have worked if there had been real intimacy. In the first one, there was no shared understanding which led to a weak connection. In the second, there was only a superficial connection based on physical attraction, but it could not go any deeper than that because there was no further stimulation of the mind. As a sapiosexual, the ability of a man to stimulate my mind is non-negotiable.
Emphasis on the stimulating and intellectual!!!
I tire of mediocre bonds that can break at the slightest threat. I long for real intimacy. Once your mind is vibrating on this level, going back to anything less is no longer an option. I sound complicated but the truth is I get bored very easily. If it’s not there, it’s not there. It cannot be forced.
This was written at 4 am in the morning. Pondering intimacy in the wee hours of the morning.