Month: November 2018

The text message: a mind game.

She grew tired of waiting for that text message from him. A week turned into two and two weeks into a month. Some days she would watch her phone willing the text to come in. This text was becoming even more important by the day because it would reassure her that it was not her fault. She needed that text message to reassure her that she was enough, that she did nothing wrong…but it never came.  Some nights she would call his name in the dark while lying on her bed as if he would hear and respond by texting.

Image result for waiting for your text quotes

She started reading, almost neurotically about how to deal with this. She could not even name “this”, was this rejection? Nah, that was a bit too much, she thought. Anyway, she read on The Law of Attraction and it states that

the best way to attract things to ourselves is to let go

…how ironic!! How will I attract something by letting it go, she thought? The universal law of attraction states that by letting go of the need to have that thing or person, you inevitably give it the freedom to find you. Sounded like a load of B.S but she decided to try it. She was desperate…Anything to stop from feeling the way she did.

So she actively worked on letting go. She first deleted his number, to stop herself from texting him first and making a fool out of herself. She willed herself to hate everything about him so she would forget about him. She started making lists daily of all the things she hated about him and it felt so good. She started watching movies like:

Image result for 10 things i hate about you

 

Months went on and she finally managed to convince herself that she was over it, over him and did not need him to text her ever again. He no longer existed in her world and she felt more confident in who she was and what she was doing. The law of attraction did not bring him back, but she no made up her mind to “no longer seek that which is not seeking her” and with that, she was really confident that she had grown as an individual.

Then he texted…

All of a sudden all that she had accomplished fell apart. She was confused all over again. She started wondering what she should do. She considered two options:

a) bluetick him?    

 

Image result for bluetick whatsapp
Image from americanbazaaronline.com

 

b) respond and hear what he has to say? Maybe something had happened to him…maybe he had fallen into a ditch and only just managed to climb out? There must be an explanation, right?

What would you advise her to do? Drop a message below.

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Forgive them for they know not what they do~Luke 23:24

Sometimes if we really want people to learn how much their actions affect others, we must be willing to do the hardest thing. We must be willing to forgive the unforgivable, just so that they can learn the true meaning of grace and maybe one day seek it for themselves. The toughest thing is to let them in when it hurts the most, that moment you feel like shutting the door if you leave it open just a little bit…maybe, just maybe they will change.

I never used to have faith in people changing. As the saying goes,

a leopard never changes its spots.

But I find myself feeling compassion for those who have hurt me the most, wanting them to know and find the peace I have found for themselves. Also, realising that I might never benefit from their newness when they change, they might benefit other people and not myself. But I still want them to have it.

Forgiveness is hard but it helps the giver more than it does the receiver. Letting go is healing. It may not feel that way at the time, but with time:

  •  you realise that you are free from bitterness, resentment and pain…
  • you realise their actions do not control you and never had the power to…
  • you realise you can bend but never break…
  • you realise you had kept yourself in a mental prison of which the key was in your hand the whole time…
  • you realise that love is about pain and those who you love will hurt you the most, but you will heal, only if you do not give in to resentment and let go.

I always thought I had the power to get over anything. Physical pain heals faster than emotional pain. But pain is pain and as humans, if we could choose we would choose none of it. Even forgiving people who do not deserve forgiveness is painful. But we still have to do it, not for them but for ourselves.

So with that being said, I forgive you and I choose happiness over sadness.  The tears may come but we smile through them. We carry on living.

GG

The deadline: curse or blessing?

If you didn’t have a deadline would you be putting in as much work as you are doing right now? Or like me, are you the kind of person who works better with deadlines? I am currently facing a one month deadline to submit the first draft of my PhD thesis. I have known pressure before but this time it is intensified .

Image result for deadlines

Are deadlines a curse or a blessing? I have a few thoughts on that:

If it pushes me to work more diligently than I would on a normal day, then bring on the deadline. 

Some of us really struggle to work without a little nudge. Deadlines help me to organise myself and my work in a meaningful way.  PhD programs usually have a lot of deadlines and because the student is pretty much doing independent research, the deadlines help to give them a timeline. I was told that my first thesis draft would be due in December 2018 back when I started in 2016. But like most people, I felt that was a long way off and I did not feel the pressure of it, until now. Just a little over a month to the deadline. Send help!!

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Image from my Bitmoji

It’s a different story when I am the one setting the deadline and when I have to meet someone’ else’s deadline.

Deadlines that I set for myself are usually meant to motivate and not put me under pressure. Someone else’s deadline comes with apprehension because failure to meet that deadline might have consequences. If it is a job, your boss may expect that you meet project deadlines because failure to do so affects your performance ratings. My own deadlines might be based on meeting some personal targets e.g. that desired weight so I can fit into that dress by New Years’ or something. There is pressure, but the chances of me being penalised for not meeting said deadline are slim.

Chasing deadlines can ruin relationships or at least stall them for a period.

When the work piles up and deadlines are looming, the tendency is often to shut out the world and focus on meeting that deadline. In my little corner of the world I have already let my friends know that I am in hibernation until I submit my thesis. I have asked not to be invited to any social events because I grew tired of making excuses for my absence. The danger with that is people may start to think that you are selfish and you think the world revolves around you. Chances are that by the time you meet that deadline, there will be another one, just as urgent, waiting for you. So when does it end? If you cannot make time for your social relationships, they will either die or people get tired of waiting on you to finish your priorities and they may find people who make time for them in their ‘busy schedule’. So, yes chasing deadlines is not always a good thing if it makes us shut out the people we care about. There will always be another deadline, relationships matter!!

As for me, I don’t know how I am going to fix this one because I feel overwhelmed to the point that even if I choose to be with my friends, I will probably spoil the mood worrying about my deadlines. I would like to hang out without feeling guilty about not working. I believe my true friends will stick it out.

Let me know your thoughts on deadlines. Are they a blessing or a curse? Are you chasing a deadline right now? What has it affected in your life? Drop me a message.