“…the words I can’t say are the holes I punch in the walls of my psyche…”
There are so many conversations in my head lately that I have found myself wondering when I will ever have the chance to let them play out in real life. So many unspoken words that I wish I had said, but never did. Why is it that we remember the parts of a conversation we should have had, only after that conversation is over? So many times I replay conversations and think, “I should have said this instead of that”…
I am slowly realising that part of the reason I have insomnia is because I have so many words that I haven’t said to people that are either gone from this earth or are still here, but lost to me. The weight of those words is heavy on my soul, as heavy as lead. I wish to have these conversations, but I am aware that some words are better left unsaid.
The weight of unspoken words is worse with people you know and love. When you cannot speak to the people around you, because communication is blocked or difficult. So you choose to have conversations in your mind that have no resolution. It is a mental strain of which if it goes unchecked, it can lead to withdrawal or random outbursts.
“why talk and say the unsaid words in haste when silence can speak the unspoken words?”
For some, silence is golden, better than words said in haste. But you can only dream of the kind of connection where your silence is read appropriately. When someone can sense that you are speaking in your silence and act accordingly. This is a rare find and I am still searching for it.
I am still trying to find an outlet for the voices in my head, find a way to make the conversations in my head come to life and be spoken.
“I have buried dead bodies of unspoken words in the graveyard of my being”
How do you deal with the voices in your head? Why are we so afraid to speak about some things? Do we fear rejection so much that we would rather leave things unsaid than express how we really feel? What drives you to silence?