Day 5: Winter Blogging Challenge
Welcome to Dating and Relationships 101. I am Doctor GG and I am a relationship coach.
I am probably the last person to speak or lecture on romantic relationships because I have not had much success in that area of my life in the last few years. But this is exactly what qualifies me because today, I will focus on the topic “Dating while you’re broken”. You have all heard the saying hurt people, hurt people! I want to illustrate today that this is not just a statement, it is actually true. My main lesson for today will emphasise the importance of healing before engaging with other people’s children because you will bring your brokenness into the next relationship and possibly hurt someone who is innocent.
“Intimate relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you” ~Eckhart Tolle in Power of Now
Broken people are very much aware of the brokenness that they carry from past relationships. I am speaking from experience. Whenever I would try to engage with someone new, at the back of my mind I knew that something was not yet right with me. My past relationships include tragic endings, with attempted suicide, physical and verbal abuse, humiliation and rejection. You can be beautiful and very much capable of loving and being loved by someone amazing, but somehow something just doesn’t click for the connections to last. You may be subconsciously carrying a bag of negative emotions and unforgiveness in your heart that you never dealt with. The more you try to relate with someone, the more you realise your limited capabilities to trust and love in a healthy way, and the more you see the weaknesses of the one you are trying to date. Any small disagreement spins your world into a panic because you think it is going to happen again. You may have a constant fear of disappointment and rejection. At the root of it all is a self-sabotaging spirit disguising itself as self-preservation. You think you are protecting yourself, but you are living a self-fulfilling prophecy. The thing you fear most keeps happening and you wonder why you keep attracting the same kinds of people.
The end result is a cycle of broken relationships and no growth in this area of your life.
The key is to let all your failed relationships lead you to a place of healing. Do not rush quickly into another relationship before addressing the failures of the last one because they will crop up again. If you had insecurities, have you dealt with them? Do you love yourself? Because no one can love you more than you can love yourself. If the last person almost killed your spirit with their abuse (could be physical, sexual or emotional), have you talked to someone about it? Have you worked through the pain they caused? You actually have to feel all the emotions because the thing with pain is that it demands to be felt, you cannot brush it under the carpet.
Cry all the tears you want to cry, but please HEAL!
The next person you meet deserves to meet an emotionally healthy partner who will not cause them unnecessary pain. The biggest lesson I have learned over the years through my own failures is that “if you’re not healthy yourself, it is impossible to be in a healthy relationship.
I will now take a moment to answer your questions and feel free to share with the class any dating experiences that relate to this topic.