Day 16: Winter Blogging Challenge
Today’s prompt is to share something on grief, loss or healing. Healing has been a recurring theme in my life in the past couple of months. I have been thinking about and writing on healing from past pain and relationship trauma. In my post on Dating and Relationships 101, I emphasised the importance of healing in order to avoid repetitive patterns in relationships. A person who has healed does not have to be introduced; their aura, self-confidence and words that come of their mouth will announce their presence. There is a certain glow that comes from inner healing that will show on the outside. The same is true for a heart that is harbouring unforgiveness and bitterness, that too will show from the words they speak and some of their actions.
For today’s post, I have decided to reflect on some of the things I have had to heal from.
- The pain of heartbreak. Having to let go of someone I thought was my first love and soulmate. It shattered how I viewed relationships for several years until I decided to let go of the past. Healing finally allowed the ghost of my ex to stop torturing my present and that was the first step to healing from that pain. It took several years.
- The pain of loss. When my father died in 2017, I didn’t expect to feel the pain I felt because we didn’t have the best relationship. But, I mourned his loss with so much regret for the time wasted being angry and unforgiving. I mourned the loss with so much regret for not building a better relationship when I still had the chance. I mourned the loss with memories of his voice when he tried to reach out to me and I was so unforgiving. I had to forgive myself and him. I had to move on because time lost is never recovered. Lesson learned for my current interpersonal relationships.
- Intimate partner violence. I held on to the pain of being a battered girlfriend for so long. I built up walls to protect myself for years after that, not knowing that those walls were also shutting out good things from coming into my heart. My inability to heal from the first event of physical violence led to a cycle of abuse in recurrent relationships. It was as if I kept attracting the same kind of guy who would end up putting their hands on me. I have remnants of anger from these experiences, but for the most part, I am healed. I no longer hate the people who did this to me. I realise the weakness in them that allowed them to exert their physical power on a vulnerable person who would never fight back. I realise the need for healing in their own hearts because only hurt people, hurt people. I no longer blame myself for any of it. No one has the right to put their hands on someone.
- The pain of failure. We have all failed and fallen at some point. If you are like me, failure deals such a hard blow on your self-esteem and you may be unable to function normally for some time. When it comes to failure, healing is recovery. How do you recover from an epic fail? Well, you move on. You pick up those pieces and keep it moving. You learn from your mistakes and do better next time.
Healing is a process in itself. You don’t just wake up one day feeling fine. It is work. I wish there was a manual on how to do it, but unfortunately, most of us have to figure it out as we go. One of the things I learned as I was “becoming” who I am now is that everyone goes through pain. My experiences are not unique or special. The pity party delays healing. I used to think I had gone through so much and I wanted the whole world to know I was angry. This just stalled my healing process.
Your experiences can become a tool for the healing of others when you share your testimony of healing.
The comfort of God’s love is something that I held on to and which made my healing process possible. I would not be here if not for the tender loving mercies of my Lord Jesus Christ.
In the interest of transparency, writing this post has left me feeling drained. I don’t know what this means. I will leave it here.