Category: Random

The conversations I can’t have…

“…the words I can’t say are the holes I punch in the walls of my psyche…”
― John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

There are so many conversations in my head lately that I have found myself wondering when I will ever have the chance to let them play out in real life. So many unspoken words that I wish I had said, but never did. Why is it that we remember the parts of a conversation we should have had, only after that conversation is over? So many times I replay conversations and think, “I should have said this instead of that”…

I am slowly realising that part of the reason I have insomnia is because I have so many words that I haven’t said to people that are either gone from this earth or are still here, but lost to me. The weight of those words is heavy on my soul, as heavy as lead. I wish to have these conversations, but I am aware that some words are better left unsaid.

The weight of unspoken words is worse with people you know and love. When you cannot speak to the people around you, because communication is blocked or difficult. So you choose to have conversations in your mind that have no resolution. It is a mental strain of which if it goes unchecked, it can lead to withdrawal or random outbursts.

“why talk and say the unsaid words in haste when silence can speak the unspoken words?” 
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

For some, silence is golden, better than words said in haste. But you can only dream of the kind of connection where your silence is read appropriately. When someone can sense that you are speaking in your silence and act accordingly. This is a rare find and I am still searching for it. 

I am still trying to find an outlet for the voices in my head, find a way to make the conversations in my head come to life and be spoken. 

“I have buried dead bodies of unspoken words in the graveyard of my being” 
― Hilal Hamdaan

How do you deal with the voices in your head? Why are we so afraid to speak about some things? Do we fear rejection so much that we would rather leave things unsaid than express how we really feel? What drives you to silence?

Was that an anxiety attack?

I noticed I have been writing about anxiety a lot more these days. This is not surprising considering that I have been in a state of mild anxiety every other day for the past few months. Today I want to discuss anxiety attacks because I feel that in our society, we often overlook anxiety and brush it off as a normal part of our everyday lives.

Have you ever woken up to an anxiety attack or experienced it as you were busy going about your day at work or school?  This website HERE describes an anxiety attack with the following symptoms:

  • Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
  • Feelings of choking
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Nausea or abdominal distress
  • Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint
  • Chills or heat sensations
  • Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)
  • Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
  • Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
  • Fear of dying

If you have ever felt the above, you have had an anxiety attack. I can definitely attest to the fear of losing control and that feeling when you think you’re about to lose your mind (approximately every moment of my adult life, LOL…I exaggerate, but yeah).

If only there was a way to stop thinking about the thing that is causing you extreme anxiety.  I started wondering why the mind does not have a switch to turn it off from certain thoughts or does it? What is the point of mulling over something that is obviously causing you to become anxious? You want to stop thinking about it, but the more you try to, the bigger it becomes. The image below comes to mind…


Here are some of the ways that I find help to deal with anxiety since switching off the mind is not an option:

  • Try to reframe the anxiety-inducing thought. I always think to myself “since I am already overthinking, why not just think of the issue in all the possible ways there can be?” Reframing means I will be looking for a different explanation, a different way of understanding the issue. For instance, instead of thinking someone was mean to me today that means they will always be mean to me…they hate me and everybody hates me, I can reframe this by thinking, maybe they were having a bad day or this was not personal. Bear in mind this only works in a positive way if you are an optimist or at least a realist. If you are a pessimist, the end result is always negative and the anxiety will not go away. If you are an optimist, you find a positive spin to the issue or at the very least think ‘what’s the worst that can happen”. In the end, you feel better. If you are a realist, you will think of it in practical terms, which may or may not solve the issue at hand.
  • Try to think of something else.  This is easier said than done, but I always try to find my happy place. If I have time during my anxiety phase, I sit down and meditate on a happier time or I think of a person who always lifts my hopes up and give them a call. Sometimes I just make time to do an activity that I enjoy like writing (you will be surprised how therapeutic this activity can become for you). I think this also depends on the level of your anxiety, if it is mild it may go away for a moment or you get words of encouragement that will shift things around.  Some extreme forms of anxiety may need medication or to speak to a qualified therapist.
  • Try to avoid mood enhancing substances like alcohol or drugs. This has proven to provide temporary relief and no solutions. It actually brings an additional problem if it becomes a habit, addiction. The issues that were causing anxiety may become compounded or actions taken to try and provide solutions will all be bad ideas. I know a lot of people drink alcohol or smoke when they are stressed, but I have seldom seen this solving anything.
  • Check the people around you. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and she was telling me how she started noticing that certain people were triggers for her anxiety. We often take this for granted, but it is very important. If you hang around people who are always negative and complaining, people who never look on the bright side or always preaching doomsday, you will find yourself being anxious more often. At least, that has been my experience. The opposite is that there are people who simply light up the room with their outlook on life. Having more positive people around you is good for your mind.  However, the trick here is to avoid comparing your life with others. Like my friend, she felt triggered by certain people around her because they were constantly speaking about how well their lives were going and she would look at her life and feel like she is lagging behind. Her crowd, although they were happy and confident people, was also not good for her.
  • Find your triggers. Building from the previous point, identifying what triggers your anxiety is a step in the right direction if you want to figure out how to reduce anxiety or stop being anxious. If you know what your triggers are, it is easier to work around them or avoid them. One of my PhD advisors is definitely a trigger for my anxiety. It is so bad sometimes that I try to avoid conversations with them until I really must.  This does not mean they are a bad person, I actually like my advisor, but sometimes I get so anxious around them or because of some comment they made that it takes days to get over. Most perfectionist bosses are anxiety triggers for many people because you are always under pressure to perform to a standard that will please them.
  • Last but definitely not least, PRAY.  If you are not religious, you may not find this useful, but prayer works for me. I feel a sense of peace after praying that I have never felt with anything else.  There may be different ways of dealing with anxiety in your faith, but my faith recommends talking to God and letting him know your worries, then trusting that He is in control of all things and He will turn things around for your good, because He cares for you.

How have you been dealing with anxiety in 2019 so far? Please drop me a comment.

Life’s highs and lows…

No one can claim to have a perfect life. Even in a very good month, there will be some moments when you look at your life and wonder why it is handing you such bitter lemons. Truth is, we cannot have the highs without the lows…

image from

I am learning to take my highs with the lows that accompany them. I recently had to remind myself that a bad day does not equal a bad life. I was having such a bad week and thought my life was just miserable. Took a couple of losses in that week; material, academic and some emotional. I really felt miserable and at that moment, I didn’t see how I could be happy again.

But here I am now…it’s a brand new day. My life is still imperfect, but as I write and reflect; I accept that life has seasons of highs and lows. Just by acknowledging that I feel so much better. I don’t have it all figured out but here is what I know:

  • I know that today is different from yesterday.
  • I know that what I tell myself is what will determine how my day turns out.
  • I know that what I feed my mind has the ability to shift my mood, so I will choose wisely what I read or listen to.
  • I know I have to take control of my day and in a small way, my life.

Sometimes that is all we can do…live one day at a time. But LIVE!!!

I hope this encourages someone today.

image from


With Love


My sex appeal is not who I am!

Is it ever possible to live in a world in which a “beautiful” woman can also be regarded as smart, wise and intelligent? I mean, can they ever see past her sex appeal Definition …….to experience the depths she possesses? Is it that once you see her physical beauty, that is all you can focus on?

Is it always that the “beautiful” woman has to live in a world in which men see her and immediately think of sex? That it is largely acceptable because we are just basic creatures acting upon instinct. “Men are visual creatures” …but this is not just a post for men. Women are just as guilty of treating other women as nothing other than physical objects.

I wonder if there are any people left in this world who can see past the physical; who yearn to dance with the mind and soul of a beautiful woman; beautiful both inside and out…People who find beauty in the intelligence and morality of a woman and not just her shell… People who are not intimidated by an intelligent and moral woman but instead are pulled even closer.

For I know she is tired of being defined by her physical beauty. She is so much more than that. As India Irie sang “I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am not your expectations…” Watch Video

If you are out there and you have any courage to seek a deeper connection, there are still people like us who dare to look beyond the obvious. Delve deeper and ditch the norm.

The Orchid blooms from the inside…free image from


Time is ticking!!!

At the risk of writing about something that is completely obvious, I am going to write about the fact that time is a concept that seems to have a will of its own. I have very little control over time; humanity has very little control over time. Well done if you figured this out before I did!!!

In a day, all we get is 24 hours which may or may not be enough depending on what you need to accomplish on that day. So many times people express frustration over running out of time. What really gets to me the more I think about time is how it seems to stand still when you want it to move fast! Whenever I am waiting for something to happen, time seems to move so slow that I feel like pulling my hair out with the frustration.I hate waiting,but time makes us wait.

Photo credit: Google images
Photo credit: Google images

Why can’t we control time? Make things happen sooner than they actually do?  There are so many things that I wish would happen like yesterday, but NO, I have to wait  for the right time. I also imagine how fast the time moves when I don’t want my alarm to go off in the morning; 20 minutes snooze time feels like 5 minutes. And I also think back to the many times I wished the day would just finish already so that I could crawl back  into my warm bed after work…time would go by so slowly that I could literally hear that tick-tock sound on the clock.  I hardly hear that sound when I am not paying attention to the time.

Photo credit:
Photo credit:

So today (after much reflection) I begrudgingly conclude that I am a slave to time. Time has us wrapped around its finger and we can do nothing, but wait for it. I know God sets the seasons and times for everything and with that, He made it impossible for us mortals to have any control over time. Things happen when they are meant to happen; day will turn into night and dawn will come at the set time…and this will continue to happen until the end of time…(I think).

What does this mean?  This means we have to find ways to adapt, find ways to use time wisely. That 24 hours in a day, pack in as much as you can in it and if you do not complete everything try again the next day. It is so tiring because it goes on and on until I don’t know when. And those of us who have too many hours in their day *side eye*, let us find a way to fill that time because one day we may not have that privilege.

Photo Credit: Google Images
Photo Credit: Google Images

In my case, I believe I just made good use of my time writing this blog about time. And I believe if you have enjoyed reading this blog, you have made good use of your time too.




Wisdom from a 30 year old…

Coming of age has a certain kind of wisdom that it brings. Call it experience or as the say in Shona “Kurauone”, translated “Grow up and See”. Literally, growing up, seeing and analysing the world I live in has taught me a thing or two…maybe a hundred.

I feel so old but I am just 30 years old. This is because of the never ending experiences of life that I have encountered. My mind is not just full of experiences, I am taking lessons from those experiences, good or bad.

One thing that has stuck to my mind all day and prompted this blog post is my most recent stroke of wisdom. I recently discovered that I despise wealth that comes without happiness. It is actually true that money does not buy happiness or love. This led me to conclude that I would rather be in a pauper’s house where there is love and happiness than be in a mansion where there is neither. I would rather laugh my lungs out after a $1 meal with people that I love around me than to be alone in a big house, surrounded by walls and silence. This might sound crazy because we all know the comforts that money can bring. We all want those comforts, the nice cars, the nice houses and the cash. But the ingredients of a happy soul are not made out of material things. Happiness, I have learnt comes from being happy with what you have and loving the people that love you and even those who don’t and this comes from forgiveness. When we don’t forgive, we let bitterness fester in our hearts and we cannot be happy from the inside. Loving ourselves as we are and not caring about what society thinks about us…these are the ingredients of happiness. Not the big empty house…no one wants to come home to that.

Am I happy at this present moment? DOUBLE YEAH!!! Because I love myself and the life I have been blessed with.

If you are reading this, I hope you can count at least three things that made you happy today. If not, try to do better tomorrow.






Can men and women be genuine friends?

I know many people do not believe that a male and a female can be friends. A lot of my friends are male, in fact, most of my closest friends are male and from my side it is purely platonic. All this time I was a firm believer in that a male and female can actually have a fulfilling friendship without the drama that female friends usually bring. But sadly, that illusion has been shattered for me…irreparably considering how I am feeling about it at the moment.

FOT-1023010 - © - Epoxydude
 photo from

I heard so many times that when you are friends with a guy, he obviously has feelings for you (the female). And sometimes you have feelings for each other but you both decide you are better off as friends…which sometimes makes for very good, long lasting friendships. And then there are those who have unrequited feelings (he told you how he felt but you decided you are not attracted to him like that and you offer him your friendship instead). These ones are the hardest to deal with because those feelings will not be going anywhere.

There are lots of different scenarios for the friendship between male and female. But back to my story…I once believed that there could be genuine friendship between males and females. But when you have a friend who is constantly trying to blur the friendship line and constantly trying to cross the line that is no longer a healthy friendship. I am brutally honest usually when I am dealing with people close to me and when I feel like my friendship is being taken for granted I lose it. I don’t like people who pretend or fake friendship. I would much rather have someone who says goodbye to me if being friends with me is going to be problematic than to constantly have a “so called friend” make unwanted moves, especially under the influence of alcohol. Call it liquid courage but I think its plain STUPID.

I don’t know after how many attempts can one call the friendship quits but once, twice, three times…nah son!!That friendship is way too complicated, if anyone needed that drama they would just get into a relationship.