Tag: ambition

What drives me?

This is a commonly asked question in social circles: what drives you? There are different variations to it, such as what motivates you to get out bed in the morning or what do you live for? Which reminds me of this quote that says happiness is having:

something to do

someone to love and,

                        something to live for -Immanuel Kant

When it comes to having something to live for; that thing that is our life’s purpose and goal, it is one thing to say “I am driven by my life’s purpose” and yet another to actually mean it.  When asked this question, people often speak of passion and following their dreams but for most of us coming from African nations, our driving force is survival.

This may sound negative or limiting. I don’t mean that most African youths do not have dreams. For sure we do and we dare to dream big dreams. Some of us are fortunate to live out those dreams in our lifetime, but the reality is that the majority of young Africans, especially the marginalised and the poor, will tell you that every day is a race for survival.  Our main goal is to survive another day and live well enough to be able to take care of our loved ones. Most of it is to do with our governance structures and a lot of my friends, who are part of the African diaspora, will tell you about the black tax phenomenon. Black tax is a colloquial term for sharing your salary with family and making sure that they are well taken care of before considering taking care of yourself Source.

As for me, I can say that I am driven by the need to make sure me and my own are well cared for. My main goal is to live a comfortable life and basically survive. I have personal dreams and ambitions, but none of these are driven by my own selfish ambitions. I cannot afford to have selfish ambitions because in our culture, when one of us makes it, the whole tribe makes it. Well, tribe might be an exaggeration, but close to it. My close family is my tribe so to speak. Everything that I do, for instance, my pursuit for a higher education, is not only to improve my standard of living, but most importantly, it is so that I can be able to provide for myself and those that I love.

Now it is your turn…

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Image from https://everynation.org.sg

Why I fall in love with myself everyday…

Early morn reflections…

It’s not often that we take the time to fall in love with ourselves. We are so caught up in loving others and often neglect ourselves. As I was enjoying a cup of coffee yesterday it suddenly dawned on me that I do love myself and I fall deeper and deeper in love with ME every day. In the spirit of Women’s Month, I have decided to embrace my womanhood with a dedication to myself (I don’t need an excuse really…).

One of my closest friends recently described me as “phenomenal” (swoon) and I decided to write up some of the things that help to mould me into the woman I am and why I fall in love with myself everyday:

#I am extremely unapologetic about who I am

What you see is what you get!! I do not make apologies for who I am, how I look, how I talk or dress!! Fortunately or unfortunately, its either you like me or you don’t. I have found there is no grey area there. If you are one of those people still trying to decide how you feel about me, I hope this article helps.

#I accept that I am crazy

This may be an understatement but since I am the one writing this, please allow. I have my moments of utter madness and silliness and I love that about myself (I think everyone does, but it happens to some more often and in different degrees). If you have never seen this side of me you are in luck. On the flipside, you might be missing out because that means you only get to see my serious side, which can be quite intimidating.  I have been told I cannot dance, but I dance anyway. I accept and love myself, flaws and all!!!

#I constantly forgive myself

Living with guilt erodes the spirit. I have made many mistakes in my adult life and I cannot say I am done messing up, but I have learnt to let go of the guilt or bad feelings that come with that. I have hurt some people and I am not proud of that. I have a fiery temper that gets me into trouble more times than is necessary, I am a work in progress!! Although I hope those that I hurt have forgiven me; I am not worried because between me and God, all is well in my soul. Self-loathing is a powerful thing and it keeps us from loving ourselves. I have learnt to forgive myself constantly, no matter how bad it gets.

#I dream big and I chase those dreams like a madman

I am very ambitious and nothing can stop me once I put my mind to something. This has led me to cross boundaries and challenge norms. I don’t hear NO and I don’t accept failure. I love this about myself because I would not be where I am without the drive that moves me and helps me get out of bed in the morning. Success does not come from sitting idly waiting for opportunities to come by. I look for opportunities and with my God by my side, I have done many things. I believe there is still more to be explored…watch this space!!

#I embrace that I am a 30 year old, unmarried woman with no kids

Contrary to popular belief in Zimbabwean culture, this does not make me less than “normal” or make me love myself any less. I embrace this stage of my life and my perception is that it is time to work on myself whilst I wait for future hubby. I do not succumb to the pressure to get married because I am not one for conformity, plus where is the eager hubby? I will get married (I promise) if and when I am ready, not because “everyone else my age is already married or at least have a child”. It is amazing how many times attempts have been made to make me feel less loveable than I am just because I am not yet married. In the small town where I am currently some have even added that “no one wants to marry an educated woman”. I mean *insert side eye*…in 2016?

#I take time to reflect on myself

Some people are scared to be alone with their thoughts. I am not. I love the fact that I can be alone as this is when I shut everything out and reflect on my actions, words and ponder on where I am going. This has helped me to assess where I go wrong and what I would not want to repeat in future. Everyday is a new opportunity to begin again and what I did or how I thought yesterday may be used in a positive way. My moments of reflection shape my confidence in my abilities and increases my self-love.

Last but not least…

#My relationship with God

God is love and he is my Father. I have not known a greater love than this. Once you know God, you cannot help but love yourself the way Father loves you!!!

Have you learnt to love yourself? Because no one else will love you if you don’t!!