Tag: God

Allowing God to guide my footsteps…literally

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I was about to call it a night and head to bed when the thought of my last conversation with a good friend popped in my head. I remembered how he told me about how God can literally guide someone’s footsteps, not just in an abstract sense. He explained how he has been experiencing his walk with God and how it sometimes feels as if God is giving actual directions like a GPS saying turn left, walk straight, now turn right. At the time of our conversation, I remember thinking WOW!!, I could so use that kind of experience right now. Not because I feel like I am lacking direction, but to experience that kind of intimate guidance from God at this point in my life would be so great.

I imagine God telling me what to do about that situation that has been bothering me for weeks. I could literally sit down and feel the advice pouring into me and I would know what to do. Can you imagine such a feeling? I imagine waking up in the morning without a single plan for my day and await God’s direction for the day. But we are so inundated with to-do-lists, weekly and monthly plans, annual, two-year and five-year plans that we often do not stop to ask God for His direction. I imagine a situation of complete surrender to God’s will and direction as a way of life. Would that not remove the weight of anxiety and fear that so often steals our joy?

Here are some verses from the Bible that illustrate God’s guidance:

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Psalms 119:105

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

Psalms 32:8

I believe that prayer is our way of speaking to God, but I am often guilty of taking action right after praying before taking the time to listen to God’s voice. In my mind, I will be thinking I have prayed so everything is going to be fine, so I should get on with my day. But, I want to practice listening to God’s voice more and it is usually that still small voice that demands a quiet, reflective moment in order to hear it. We are too busy and too much in a hurry that we often miss it. Our minds are also filled with so many distractions that it is difficult to focus on what matters.

I’ll just end with a word of thanks to my friend for the insightful conversation. I had no idea that your own experience could resonate with me so much that I want the same for myself. And that is truly how we nurture one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Until next time…

GG

A survivor’s tale

It’s only when you go through something you never thought you could ever go through and survive, that you can truly know what you are capable of.

Before that, you only have a faint notion of what you think you can manage, an assumption based on your confidence in yourself. This is a reflection post about the past few months when I came face to face with my own weaknesses and came out with knowledge of what I can and cannot do.

I never knew I could work 12 hour days, sleep for a maximum of 4 hours and get up and do it all over again. I never knew I had the capacity to stay human enough on the outside even though i was on autopilot. It is a wonder that I managed to dress up and look presentable enough for human standards…nothing too impressive but just enough to not attract unnecessary attention to myself. In other words, I did not become a  hobo, although the temptation was so great.

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Image from http://www.deviantart.com

The months between April to June 2019 showed me that I can work under extreme pressure while also realising that I am very task-oriented. If I have a task before me I will work on it until it is done before I can allow myself to rest. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I also learned that the human body will shut down on you if you do not give it rest, hence the 4 hours I allowed myself to sleep when I could. Some days it was less than that.

I also took for granted my ability to FOCUS. I still wonder how I was able to work on one thing for the past three years and I am happy that I managed to complete the project in  record time and survived to tell the tale. I  definitely had days of procrastination and days when I felt demotivated, but giving up was not an option. Now, if I could just apply the same energy and focus to certain aspects of my life, like relation…s, never mind.

The past season of my life has taught me a few good things about myself that I didn’t know before.  Of course, at the time I did not know that these were good things, I was simply going through the motions and actually hating my life. I remember tweeting this on one of those very difficult days:

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Well, now  I have my life back. I survived and I am looking back at the lessons I learned during that time. In summary, this is what I learned about life in my most hectic life phase and I hope this will encourage someone who is close to giving up:

  • You are definitely stronger than you think you are
  • This too shall pass, nothing is permanent
  • There are lessons in every season, your toughest season can become your testimony and might help one or two others
  • Your breakthrough is closer than you think, if you could just keep digging.

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In conclusion, I always like to give credit where it is due. None of my success in the past few months would have been possible without my God. There were times (many times) when I wanted to give up. There were countless times when I felt inadequate and felt that I did not know what I was doing, imposter syndrome anyone? But then there were those days when I would wake up with a random idea at 2 am in the morning and start typing. There were also days when I felt supernatural strength and a solid presence providing comfort during the dark days. God was with me every step of the way.  All glory goes to Him!!! I am capable only because He makes me ABLE. 

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Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

That odd moment when God speaks

God speaks in so many different and unexpected forms. I was having such a bad start to my morning and wondered how this day was going to end. After having my cup of coffee I decided to walk away from the negative energy that was surrounding me and the reason for my gloomy mood. I decided to take control of my day. So even though I didn’t need to go into the office today, I decided it was better to spend the day with my head stuck under some books than be annoyed all day. So off to the office I went thinking I would get some reading done and turn all the negativity into something productive.

On my way to the office I passed by a building that I pass by every single day and never pay attention to. But today something made me stop and peer inside and I saw that it was a chapel. I had heard that there was a chapel on campus but I had never thought to go in there and little did I know I actually pass by it every day on my way to the office. .

I just knew then that God was speaking to me and had led me there.The place was so quiet and inviting, so I went inside. There were bibles on each seat and I just picked one and opened to read. I got to spend some time with the Father. He replenished and fed me, he restored my joy. Now I have a secret place where I can go when I feel overwhelmed. A place where I know I will get solace and refuge from the harsh realities of this world.

Just wanted to share this!!!

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Lingnan University Chapel  http://www.adrg.com.hk/projects?product_id=240

Why I fall in love with myself everyday…

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Early morn reflections…

It’s not often that we take the time to fall in love with ourselves. We are so caught up in loving others and often neglect ourselves. As I was enjoying a cup of coffee yesterday it suddenly dawned on me that I do love myself and I fall deeper and deeper in love with ME every day. In the spirit of Women’s Month, I have decided to embrace my womanhood with a dedication to myself (I don’t need an excuse really…).

One of my closest friends recently described me as “phenomenal” (swoon) and I decided to write up some of the things that help to mould me into the woman I am and why I fall in love with myself everyday:

#I am extremely unapologetic about who I am

What you see is what you get!! I do not make apologies for who I am, how I look, how I talk or dress!! Fortunately or unfortunately, its either you like me or you don’t. I have found there is no grey area there. If you are one of those people still trying to decide how you feel about me, I hope this article helps.

#I accept that I am crazy

This may be an understatement but since I am the one writing this, please allow. I have my moments of utter madness and silliness and I love that about myself (I think everyone does, but it happens to some more often and in different degrees). If you have never seen this side of me you are in luck. On the flipside, you might be missing out because that means you only get to see my serious side, which can be quite intimidating.  I have been told I cannot dance, but I dance anyway. I accept and love myself, flaws and all!!!

#I constantly forgive myself

Living with guilt erodes the spirit. I have made many mistakes in my adult life and I cannot say I am done messing up, but I have learnt to let go of the guilt or bad feelings that come with that. I have hurt some people and I am not proud of that. I have a fiery temper that gets me into trouble more times than is necessary, I am a work in progress!! Although I hope those that I hurt have forgiven me; I am not worried because between me and God, all is well in my soul. Self-loathing is a powerful thing and it keeps us from loving ourselves. I have learnt to forgive myself constantly, no matter how bad it gets.

#I dream big and I chase those dreams like a madman

I am very ambitious and nothing can stop me once I put my mind to something. This has led me to cross boundaries and challenge norms. I don’t hear NO and I don’t accept failure. I love this about myself because I would not be where I am without the drive that moves me and helps me get out of bed in the morning. Success does not come from sitting idly waiting for opportunities to come by. I look for opportunities and with my God by my side, I have done many things. I believe there is still more to be explored…watch this space!!

#I embrace that I am a 30 year old, unmarried woman with no kids

Contrary to popular belief in Zimbabwean culture, this does not make me less than “normal” or make me love myself any less. I embrace this stage of my life and my perception is that it is time to work on myself whilst I wait for future hubby. I do not succumb to the pressure to get married because I am not one for conformity, plus where is the eager hubby? I will get married (I promise) if and when I am ready, not because “everyone else my age is already married or at least have a child”. It is amazing how many times attempts have been made to make me feel less loveable than I am just because I am not yet married. In the small town where I am currently some have even added that “no one wants to marry an educated woman”. I mean *insert side eye*…in 2016?

#I take time to reflect on myself

Some people are scared to be alone with their thoughts. I am not. I love the fact that I can be alone as this is when I shut everything out and reflect on my actions, words and ponder on where I am going. This has helped me to assess where I go wrong and what I would not want to repeat in future. Everyday is a new opportunity to begin again and what I did or how I thought yesterday may be used in a positive way. My moments of reflection shape my confidence in my abilities and increases my self-love.

Last but not least…

#My relationship with God

God is love and he is my Father. I have not known a greater love than this. Once you know God, you cannot help but love yourself the way Father loves you!!!

Have you learnt to love yourself? Because no one else will love you if you don’t!!

Our Plans Vs Reality…

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Image from instagram

Lately I have begun to think that being human is the biggest weakness ever. God created us in his image and likeness; we represent him in so many ways. However he did not give us the ability to know or even have the slightest idea what our  tomorrows might look like. I mean, the depth of that weakness just leaves me wondering why I even bother making plans. Why do I even bother preparing for a tomorrow I will never have control over? A tomorrow that I can paint as beautifully as my human mind can master, all positive and joyful…having all my heart’s desires met as any other greedy human being would wish only to find out it doesn’t turn out as I have dreamt it…not even close. What is the point of fantasizing… it seems like a waste of time I’m just saying.The stark reality is that life is nothing like anything we can ever imagine with our limited minds. Life turns out the way it does, it is beyond our wildest imagination.

I remember making plans last year…I saw myself doing so many things, being with wonderful people,having the time of my life. Last few months I had the same plans, even wilder, crazier!!!. Last month I had plans…

None of these plans turned out the way I thought. I am pretty sure some of the things that didn’t happen that was me being saved (truly) but some…I still don’t understand why they didn’t happen as planned.

Through it all, as a believer I do know that God did this to make sure we remember who we are in Him. He is the one who knows it all and if we had the power to control our future we wouldn’t need him. I know that the Christian way is to live in faith…that is to hope in the things we cannot see. And if I can be truly honest I have had some big dreams come true in my life, but I HAD TO WAIT LOOOONG!!!! Well that sure keeps me in my place…

At the end of the day, we still hope and we still dream. When those dreams and hopes come crashing or we have to go through valleys and cross to get there maybe we are learning something along the way. I know I am! If our dreams and hopes never materialize into anything maybe it’s just a sign that there are better things in store for us.

What do I know?