Tag: silence

The conversations I can’t have…

“…the words I can’t say are the holes I punch in the walls of my psyche…”
― John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

There are so many conversations in my head lately that I have found myself wondering when I will ever have the chance to let them play out in real life. So many unspoken words that I wish I had said, but never did. Why is it that we remember the parts of a conversation we should have had, only after that conversation is over? So many times I replay conversations and think, “I should have said this instead of that”…

I am slowly realising that part of the reason I have insomnia is because I have so many words that I haven’t said to people that are either gone from this earth or are still here, but lost to me. The weight of those words is heavy on my soul, as heavy as lead. I wish to have these conversations, but I am aware that some words are better left unsaid.

The weight of unspoken words is worse with people you know and love. When you cannot speak to the people around you, because communication is blocked or difficult. So you choose to have conversations in your mind that have no resolution. It is a mental strain of which if it goes unchecked, it can lead to withdrawal or random outbursts.

“why talk and say the unsaid words in haste when silence can speak the unspoken words?” 
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

For some, silence is golden, better than words said in haste. But you can only dream of the kind of connection where your silence is read appropriately. When someone can sense that you are speaking in your silence and act accordingly. This is a rare find and I am still searching for it. 

I am still trying to find an outlet for the voices in my head, find a way to make the conversations in my head come to life and be spoken. 

“I have buried dead bodies of unspoken words in the graveyard of my being” 
― Hilal Hamdaan

How do you deal with the voices in your head? Why are we so afraid to speak about some things? Do we fear rejection so much that we would rather leave things unsaid than express how we really feel? What drives you to silence?

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Life…

I’m sitting in a room somewhere in Europe…in the dark staring outside the window. It’s almost 12 midnight.

I wonder, is this what life is about? Is this what I have become? Is this all there is?

I wonder at the emptiness in my heart…but then its fleeting because when I count my blessings my heart is filled.

Life is full of paradoxes..one minute I am sad, the next I am on a joyful high…

Why do I let people control my emotions? Why do I let people have so much power to alter my mood?

You call me heartless…I hear you. Maybe I am because I haven’t allowed myself to feel.

But ask the guy from a few months ago…I felt something for him.So I think I just have the wisdom to know that I cannot fall for everyone I meet.

This is not about love though, this is about life… I really wish I could care what someone else thinks of me.

I really wish I could apologize for being who I am…

Why is love…those three words “I love you”…why are they so important?

Maybe I am the one who needs help…

As I stare outside my window at a few minutes to midnight.

Silence has a way of communicating, maybe if I listen longer I will find the answers…198

I know myself because I have dared to be silent and stare at nothing….